Food & Death in the Family

Food is a form of love for many people. From grandma scooping you an extra helping, to parents making sure you have breakfast in the morning. Cooking is often a way to share cultures, support each other, and provide for each other. While we might not always think about it in this context, it is a way that we care for others. Food and fellowship go hand in hand. When dealing with loss, a tray of food can mean a lot when coming from a loved one. Especially if it's homemade. Below, we will talk about how food can connect with those we've lost, as well as cooking to support those dealing with grief.

Cooking and Coping With Loss

When grieving, you might have days when even the thought of standing in the kitchen to cook may be too overwhelming. And that is OK. But, if you have the ability to, cooking can be a good outlet for working through your grief. Cooking can be a great way to channel emotions or to work through feelings. Being alone in the kitchen with a task at hand can feel meditative to some people. Cooking with loved ones can be stressful at times, but can also be the foundation of great memories. 

Connecting with Memories Through Cooking

 Cooking can connect us with those we've lost. Many people have memories of learning to cook with older family members. Grandparents passing down family recipes and teaching you to cook by taste and not by recipes. Comfort foods your parents made when you weren’t feeling good. Smell and taste are powerful senses when it comes to memory. The right combination of ingredients can unlock memories once forgotten. 

Honoring Loved Ones Through Food

Cooking a loved one’s favorite meal or signature dish can be a great way to honor their memory. Many people find catharsis in the heat of the kitchen. Even if you don’t get it just right, you are attempting to connect with memories of your loved one. Sharing what you made can also be a great way to honor a loved one. Cooking for others, friends, and family who are also grieving, and being together at the table, can be healing.

Supporting Loved Ones With a Meal

Supporting loved ones who are dealing with a loss can come in many forms. One of the simplest ways to show support is through food. Sending food is a great way to show your support for the family during hard times. When sending food, be mindful of dietary restrictions, allergies, and storage. Send food in a tin or a microwave-safe container. This will help the grieving family to be able to heat up the food more easily and store it in the fridge or freezer more easily. Make enough for all members of the household, or even more. Extra food can go a long way. Plus, many friends and family may visit the grieving family over the next few days, so extra portions can be helpful to them. 

Comfort Food or Healthy Food When Providing for Mourners

Often, grieving families are given plates of catered food that might not always be healthy. If you are planning on cooking for grieving loved ones, consider making something healthier. Be sure to use plenty of vegetables so that they can get a more nutritious meal. But comfort food can go a long way, too. But remember that most of the time, they are getting that kind of food in the form of people sending food from restaurants. Providing healthy options can allow them to get better food in their system. When in doubt, send both. Consider making a simple salad or roasting some vegetables in the oven in addition to whatever comfort food you want to prepare. 

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor who is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.