Anticipatory Grief and Terminal Loved Ones

When a loved one is sick with a terminal illness, you may experience grief in expectation of their passing. Anticipatory grief refers to feelings of grief and loss when a loved one is expected to die in the near future. Family members who are watching their loved ones fight cancer, deal with the effects of a stroke, or live with dementia may all experience some form of anticipatory grief. This article will explore anticipatory grief and how to prepare yourself for when your loved one passes.

Anticipatory Grief and How It Manifests

Also known as pre-bereavement, anticipatory grief can manifest in a lot of different ways. It is important to note that grief generally manifests in many different ways for different people. When you are expecting the death of a loved one and experiencing feelings of grief, you may experience some or all of the following symptoms:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Anger and irritability
• Guilt
• Loneliness
• Poor concentration
• Frequently imagining what their death will be like, or what life will be like without them. 

How Anticipatory Grief Affects Us

Anticipatory grief may be harder for some people to deal with because they often feel like they have to hide these emotions from the person they are grieving for. Especially if that person is fighting a terminal illness. It can sometimes feel difficult to discuss your feelings when you feel like you're going through so much. And that is totally understandable. This can often be the case when the person you are grieving for is a major part of your support system. For example, a close sibling, spouse, partner, or parent. When your loved one has a terminal diagnosis, it can be hard to be positive with them while you are anticipating their passing.

Shifting Roles and Anticipatory Grief

Sometimes, this grief could involve how you feel about a change in your relationship with the person you are grieving. For many individuals, a dying family member or partner can mean shifting roles. An older parent now requires you to be a caregiver. A partner is now unable to care for themselves. While this change in responsibilities is necessary, you may feel pressure to ensure care. This can be especially difficult when a loved one was a major part of your support system before your diagnosis. 

Finding Support With Anticipatory Grief

It can be important to find support for your feelings of grief and to help prepare yourself for when your loved one passes. One place you can find this support is in other close friends or family members who are also experiencing anticipatory grief. They may be able to help you work through your feelings. It is generally better not to expect support for your anticipatory grief from the individual you are grieving, as it can add more weight to what they are dealing with. 
There are many support groups that you may be able to reach out to for help with your anticipatory grief. Groups that work with families of cancer patients or other terminal illnesses may have support structures for those dealing with anticipatory grief. You should also consider seeking out professional care services for mental health and grief counseling. Therapists and counselors may be able to help you in dealing with your grief.

When Your Loved One Passes

When your loved one does pass, you will likely experience grief differently from what you were feeling leading up to it. Some studies have shown that anticipatory grief can help some people be more emotionally prepared when the death occurs. In some ways, their grief might be easier to deal with. Or, you may be more prepared to cope with it. That does not lessen the impact of loss, but rather helps us deal with and emotionally process our feelings of grief. Just remember that grief is unique from person to person. And that there is no wrong way to grieve.

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For assistance in finding a grief counselor that is right for you, there are several resources out there. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.