Tips for Grieving During the Holidays

The holiday season is here. For many, it is a light at the end of shorter days and cold, blistering nights. But when dealing with the loss of a loved one, the holidays can sting. Celebrating a holiday without a recently lost loved one can be hard. Below, we will look at some tips to help you and your family approach the holidays during your time of grief. 

Consider Loosening Your Traditions

Traditions can be important during the holidays, but you aren’t bound to them. Sometimes, it can make things a little easier to not pressure the family to stick to them. Remaining flexible can be important, as grief can put a lot of extra strain on the holidays. Sometimes, traditions can be a powerful reminder of your loved one’s absence. Approach the holidays with an open mind. Skipping, changing, or starting new traditions can be a way to make it through the holiday season. Feel free to discuss your options with your family members, to come up with a plan together. Consider everyone’s feelings on the matter, and be respectful in doing so.

Passing the Torch

For traditions you want to keep alive and well, passing the torch to a younger family member can be important. After the loss of an older family member, passing a tradition along to the next generation can keep it alive. This may include showing them how to make a certain dish, having them lead a family activity and more. Do not push this on a loved one. Rather, ask who would like to take it on. A family member who is passionate about the tradition will be more likely to take it on. 

Effort and Grief

Grief can make it harder to put your heart and soul into the holidays. If you don't have the energy to decorate fully, that's OK. Pace yourself, and take things one at a time. Your house may not look as festive. You may not push to make all the dishes you normally make for the family gathering. That's fine. Take everything at your own pace. And try not to feel down for not having the energy to go full throttle. 

Be Patient

Grief is hard. It is important to try to be patient with your loved ones and with yourself. Don’t compare your journey to others. Allow yourself and your loved ones to feel their feelings, and express them if needed. Don’t expect yourself to feel happy because of seasonal obligations. However, you shouldn’t feel guilt over feeling joy for the holidays. You are allowed to enjoy yourself, even during times of grief. 

Spend Time With Those Who Support You

Even in the best of circumstances, holidays can be stressful. Family dynamics can make the holidays tense sometimes. If you choose to skip out on family gatherings or activities, not everyone with understand or take it well. That is OK. If you need space for yourself, take it. If needed, seek out people who treat you with love and respect. Surround yourself with those who give you the space you need to heal.

Take Care of Yourself

While combatting grief, self-care can be hard to come by. There are plenty of other factors to the holiday season that can make it more difficult. Shorter days, overtime hours, and budgeting for the holidays, for example. Be sure to try to get plenty of sleep. Enjoy yourself, but try not to overindulge, especially when it comes to alcohol or unhealthy foods. Take the time to be active, even if it's just a walk around the block. 

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor that is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.