Losing a Sibling

Grief is a very normal response to losing a loved one, but when you lose a sibling; your grief can be confusing. The loss of a sibling can be painful, and hard to overcome. But you have the right to grieve for your sibling. The role siblings play in each other’s lives can be complicated, and grief can complicate things further.

The Void a Sibling Leaves

Siblings are often a major source of social growth growing up. As a result, they accompany us in many childhood memories. They may have brought a lot of support, love, laughs, and even frustration throughout our lives. There is almost no one else in the world who you would fight harder for. Often, they feel the same way. Whether or not you were close to your sibling when they passed, that love and support are no longer there when you need it most. The void they leave behind can be difficult to deal with. Losing a close family member is never easy.

Survivor Guilt for Surviving Siblings

After a loss, some siblings may experience what is called survivor’s guilt. Survivor’s guilt is when you feel guilty for being alive when someone else passes. You may think a lot about “what if” this, and “if only” that. You may even feel responsible. Many people feel like they should have been able to prevent the loss of a loved one. But most of the time, it just happens. Life and death are not often something we get to control. It is important to understand that you are not to blame for the loss of your loved one. Older siblings may feel guilt around the loss of a younger sibling, especially. 

Redefined Roles and Life Changes

The loss of a member of your family can affect dynamics of the whole family. You may have to overcome your grief, while facing a new set of challenges. Responsibilities may change hands. You may be the eldest child to aging parents now. You might have to help care for nieces and nephews. Inherited property or business assets from your sibling may fall to you. Change and the added stress can exacerbate grief. It is important to try to develop new routines that can help you work through these new challenges while navigating these changes. 

Fear of Genetic Diseases

When a loved one dies of a genetic disease like cancer, diabetes, or dementia, it can put life in a different perspective. It can be important to talk with your doctor, to see if you are at risk. However, sometimes a surviving sibling will become extremely worried that they will develop the disease as well. This can be a great motivator to change a diet or to alter the negative aspects of one’s life, but this fear can also be debilitating. It is important not to let the fear of developing cancer or another genetic disease take over your life.

The author of this post is not a professional therapist or counselor. For more personalized grief care, find a grief counselor who is right for you. For our Grief Resource Center, written by Dr. Bill Webster, click here. 
For over 50 years, Matthew Funeral Home has been serving the Staten Island community. We can help with almost every aspect of your loved one’s memorial service. Our family is here to serve yours, every step of the way.